


Penance

by lovesmoakingarrow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, F/M, Natasha Feels, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 03:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4289013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesmoakingarrow/pseuds/lovesmoakingarrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The shooting is not the first time Natasha met the Winter Soldier. He was her James in the Red Room. The reunion was not what Natasha expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Penance

Natasha considered Steve Rogers her friend. Even forged by war, he still had an innocence about him and unfailing nature to believe the best of everyone. He didn’t even blink an eye when he met her. She knows he read her file, however, he never looked at her any different than he looked at Bruce and that is really not telling much.

Helping Steve move into his place in DC after Loki's temper tantrum was painful. He barely had anything. All he had was a small bag, not fit to carry her shoes and knives together. There was a sadness in Steve. Everyone he knew is gone and the one person remaining barely remembers him on her good days. He missed his connections to his past. Natasha runs away from her past as fast as she could but on days when she is tired or lonely, piercing blue eyes haunted her, made her remember stubble across the jaw that marred her skin so often, and the deep voice saying "Наталия мой сладкий балерина."

She was reborn in Red Room where none was hers to be kept and owned but he was hers and only hers. He broke her repeatedly every day but tenderly put her back at night with gentle kisses and soft touches. Her James, Yasha, was the only thing that kept her alive in the Red Room sometimes. "Call me James, Natalia" he would often demand and Yasha in the morning became her James at night.

Nothing good lasted in Red Room. Whatever fleeting happiness they had was ripped from her and she doesn't allow herself to remember his screams of "I will never forget you my precious ballerina." By the time she got out of Red Room, she tried to look for him but there were only dead ends and Clint found her and opened her to a very new life. Fate was never kind to her and proved itself right when she met him on what was a routine mission in Odessa. Her absolute shock at seeing him cost the engineer she was protecting his life. He shot right through her as if she was paper.

She balled all her anger that apparently the sweet ballerina wasn’t enough for him to not shoot her, good ridden. Sad as it was, she almost believed it. She had friends and added notches to her bed but always longed for a metal finger to gently frame her face. She resolved herself to think she would never see him again and was friendly with Steve and his strike team. Of course just when she thought she was free, Fury was shot through a wall in front of Steve. James always had a flair for dramatics.

She braced herself for the attack she knew was coming from him. She knew his skill better then anyone and he didn't disappoint. When he threw Sitwell into the oncoming traffic, she knew the shot was coming and felt adrenaline pumping when she shot back. She knew she would never land a shot, James was too good for that. Seeing him flip off the car onto the road and stopping himself by his metal fingers, sent thrill through her that she had lost after Red Room.

She knew he will give chase when she ran and with a smirk at him, she started running and it was just like when he was training her except he was truly trying to kill her and would have succeeded if it wasn't for Steve. Steve called him Bucky, surely her James was not Bucky Barnes. For anything worth, she couldn't remember was Bucky's given name was. Things happened so fast and Shield fell and Steve saved the day although how he managed to drag himself to the river bank was a mystery to her and to Sam.

She was true to her name, the black widow, when she questioned whatever remaining KGB agents there were out there. She finally was able to pull the file on James and immediately started to wish she didn't. Now she understood why he never recognized her in Odessa, mind wipe, storing in cryo. She wanted to make everyone who did this to her James pay and pay with their blood they will. A small voice in her head wanted her to tell Steve all about James but she just wanted him to be her James for a while before he becomes Steve's Bucky.

She came home after giving Steve the file and immediately knew something was off. Her hand on the gun, she checked every room and nothing was out of place. She checked every inch but couldn't find anything out of place. With the thought of "I am losing my mind" she went about to remove her shoes and found bright red ballerina shoes with a note of "Мой сладкий балерина, Я мне жаль" and she felt giddy like the little girl in the red room.

She could feel his eyes on her sometimes but she knew better than to look back and search for him. Steve was having no luck locating him too. He left her small trinkets for her, a small brooch with a spider engraved in it, her favorite chocolate, a scarf that was so soft to touch and one day was surprised to find a fully cooked meal in her refrigerator. She started to long for him and strong as she was on the outside to everyone, she just wanted to curl in his arms and let him take care of her. He was the only one who she allowed. 

Her wanting him only increased every day and while he gave her gifts, he never showed himself to her and she wasn't the black widow for nothing. She invited Sam to dinner one day confident that if he was watching Steve too, then he would know Sam was a friend and Sam will come to no harm. Halfway through dinner, Sam understood what she was trying to do even if he didn't know who the person she was doing it for. There was no movement anywhere even after Sam left and Natasha broke.

At first she was mad, "how dare he not show up, how dare he ignore me" but it soon gave into heart wrenching sobs." Noone ever loved her the way he did and no one ever broker her heart the way he did either. "Why wouldn't you talk to me?" she asked the empty space and was suddenly engulfed in an embrace she was too familiar with. He cradled her to his chest and rocked her asking for forgiveness. "Too much blood on my hand on my hand Natalia, I am not good enough for you." Slowly raising her head, she saw his eyes more blue than she had ever seen, clear and brimming with emotion. He looked slightly different from her James.

Unable to resist touching him, she threw her hands her arms around him and pulled him in for a kiss. One second, that is all he hesitated to make her sure she absolutely want this. Finding no objection from her, he crashed his lips against her in a wild kiss. Kissing him was getting addicted to a drug, you will never forget the taste and how painful the withdrawal is you will always come back for once more. James was her drug, her poison, and cure. "Love is for children" she scoffed once but she was a child once and she will always be that child with him.

His grip on her hip was too tight. "You missed me Yasha, missed this with me." Growling "James Natalia, I have asked you to call me James." He pulled her slightly by her hair and started kissing her neck. His lips, his beard, and his hair were leaving a trail of fire on her skin. She was burning hot. His kisses were hot, hard and demanding. In a well practiced movement, he took off her shirt and threw it down on the couch. Lifting her up like she is made of feather, made her way to her room and set her on the bed. With much gentleness, he unhooked her pants and slid it off her legs and that is when he saw it. The scar he gave her from the bullet in Odessa.

She knew it was coming and didn't give him a chance to even think of a protest. Kissing as hard as him, she took his hands and set them on her breasts. His hands were racing over her body, setting lightning charges under her skin. His hands were a bit rough which only managed to add to the electrical sensation. She tugged the buttons of his shirt. She wanted him, to taste him, and to be tasted by him, to touch him, to be touched by him. She latched on his throat, not satisfied bit on his shoulder where it meets the neck. She left open mouthed kisses with tongue on the scars that joined his metal arm to his shoulder.

He flipped them over and she was under him, arching up pressing urgently against him, wanting more of him. She was a storm raging, slashing under him, around him, and over him. She drowned him with her scent and her touch and he was happy to oblige. Her body so slim yet so strong, very firm and arousing. He possessed her breasts as a feast laid for him. Using his metal hand for one and his mouth firmly latched onto the other perfect breast, he drove her close to the edge. Her nails were digging into her back and her legs wound tight around him, he could feel the quivering of her thigh muscles with pleasure.

Her face was flushed, eyes fierce with passion, and lips swollen from his kiss. "You are breathtaking Natalia" and plunged into her. All he got from her was a strangled cry gasping with pleasure. She was drawing blood with her nails but he was too foregone to notice that. The pleasure he was giving her was whipping through her like a gale. She drove as she was driven by him. He thrust deep and nothing existed for her except him. He used everything to batter her senses hazing her vision. Knowing her one weakness, in the midst of thrusting he brought his metal finger to her clit and slowly rubbed it at first.

He kept his rubbing in rhythm to his thrust. She was so close to the edge and with a pinch to her clit, she came screaming his name. Her eyes were dark and her muscles contracted so tightly around him. With something perilously close to pain, he emptied himself into her. Leaning his forehead on her breasts, he rolled and pulled her on top of him. Not liking the silence, she placed a kiss on his heart "Well you didn't forget your skills in cryo, James." All she got was a rumble from his chest that could have been laugh. Kissing the top of her head, he gently flipped her over and hovered above her.

"How am I so lucky Natalia. After everything, I deserve hell not heaven like this." his eyes went to her scar in her shoulder. Tears streaming from his eyes, he gently kissed the scar he gave her when he chased her in the highway. When he kissed her down to the scar he gave her in Odessa and playfully rubbed his nose and his stubble in it, she squirmed under him and spoke in a playful tone “you made me unable to wear a bikini James. That scar is hideous.” With a gruff laugh, Yeah I bet you look really ugly in it.” Laughter bubbled from her unbidden and with a snort, “That is what Steve said too.” “Natalia never ever bring Steve into a sex conversation. In stead of wanting to ravish you, I now want to get up and sing all the patriotic songs” that said he plopped beside her. To the world and Shield, she was Agent Natasha Romanoff, black widow, and an avenger but with her James she can be Natalia, the girl who loved ballet more than anything, the girl who had lost everything in the Red Room except for 1 precious gift lying beside her and that was enough for her.

 

Translation:

Наталия мой сладкий балерина = Natalia my sweet ballerina

Мой сладкий балерина, Я мне жаль = my sweet ballerina I am sorry


End file.
